What occurred was a conflict between a desire to succeed and the common Aspergers’s traits of a fear of admitting struggles and ultimately of telling anyone of upcoming trouble.
There is wreckage to be dealt with.
Last night was tough. Right now I have to back away. If growth is to occur I have to just take my leave for a time.
Right now at this moment I just don’t have the placid demeanor to get involved. The gentle hand of my spouse must act. Her calm nature as opposed to my volatile nature will sooth the waters and will dictate a plan of action, a plan of salvage.
But ADHD issues were in play too. Hopefully those have been brought to a close at current. We shall see. When these two items converged in the light of the day yesterday I melted down. Seeking refuge I crawled into the bath.
What does the future hold?
Years ago when I could find time to read fiction I read a book called “Remains of the Day” by Kazuo Ishiguro. The book is about 175 pages long. The first 100 pages were interesting, interesting enough to keep reading but they were not what you would call focused and compelling.
At about page 100 the threads of the tale began to weave together. As each of those last 75 pages got turned the story got richer and more wonderful. In the end the book was one of the finest things I have ever examined.
My hope is that this life I am leading is like that book. The threads so far have been interesting and colorful. But I am waiting for that wonderful tapestry to begin to reveal itself. I hope the rest of the story is a fantastic mosaic.
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