Stilton Cheese and Paperwork.

The title is a bit misleading.  Stilton Cheese and paperwork are two discrete topics.  However, as I walked to my writing space I was thinking about both of them.

As to Stilton cheese.  I don’t have any.  I haven’t eaten any recently.  I am not sure I know where I can buy real Stilton, international borders being what they are.  Also agricultural protection being what it is.  I have memories of coming through customs returning from London two decades ago  and being asked if Stilton was a hard cheese.  I had some with me. The custom agent very carefully stated if Stilton was a soft cheese I wouldn’t be allowed to bring it in.  I mustered my best, “Well, I believe it is classed as a hard cheese.”  I got an OK and in it came.

Okay, I have not been watching Wallace and Gromit either. I haven’t been shopping at any of the little gourmet shops around Lansing.  I haven’t even ventured into the dairy aisle at Meier’s of late.  But last night I dreamed of Stilton cheese.  About the only fragment of the dream I can remember is that I was gifting people small quantities of Stilton cheese in hermetically sealed packets.  The people I gave  the cheese to got angry.  Almost to a person they began throwing the packets at me with force.  They were all grumbling but I don’t remember what the issue was.  I woke up.  I had to pee. Okay that is it on the Stilton.

Paperwork. Oh my God.  I have two big pieces of paperwork to create quickly.  One piece is a FMLA application form for my leave to have the cancer extracted from my kidney.  It took a bit of searching on the State of Michigan’s website but I got the two forms I need to get FMLA approved.  My form is now filled out.  The issue is how to get the one to the physician who must execute a separate form.  I am in Lansing.  The doctor is in Ann Arbor.  U of M uses a web portal to communicate with me.  I took about 10 minutes trying  to navigate it.  Found out stuff I didn’t know, like I need a colonoscopy and a vaccination for tetanus and pertussis.  Need to get those, pertussis is resurgent and it will screw you up.

What I didn’t find was how to get the FMLA form to the doctor.  I ended up sending a note to U of M Medicine’s customer service link on the portal to see what to do.  My guess, if what I have seen from then so far holds true, I should get clear and concise directions tomorrow.

The more screwed up part of the paperwork trail today was trying to sort out what I have to file to retire with the State of Michigan.  There are no flow charts.  There are no online forms.  All there are are links to generic discussions about retiring.  I, after having circled around in that hell online, decided to call the Office of Retirement Services.  I ended up talking after a 9 ½ minute wait to a profoundly unhelpful technician. Apparently nothing regarding retirement can be done online, it is all paperwork.

Having gotten a human I asked him about some insurance nuances that the website seemed to imply could be in my favor.  Now understand, I went to the site that covers my situation, a long term employee who missed getting a pension by two years.  I am a baby boomer 401k participant.  There was one line that seemed to imply I might be entitled to a specific benefit and it was on the “Defined Contribution” page.  I was told by helpful Harry that I probably didn’t qualify, but I might because different departments of the State of Michigan stopped offering that benefit at different times.  WTF.  I told him was unit I worked for, how long I had been there etc.  He said I had to fill out the paperwork to retire before they could tell me what benefits I have and how much insurance will cost me.

The problem is that how much things will cost me will play a factor on the when of when I retire.  It is a cluster.  I will wait for the paper packet.  I will fill it out.  I will send it in and I am sure I will wait.  Bureaucracy, ugh. Stilton and paperwork.