Jason Isbell is playing out of the speakers of my Mac. I am
finishing up another chapter of The
Gargoyle Hunters. Good book so far. I like the thoughts of the author on
the vanishing city/the reborn city. His
comparison of trying to stop change in an urban environment being akin to
trying to stop the ocean from smashing washed up seashells into nothing really
reminds of my feelings each time I return to Toronto. Neighborhoods are vanishing but there is
always something new when the dust settles.
Are you living the life chose? Are you taking the grown-up
dose? This is what Mr. Isbell is singing right now to me.
The words of a poet, and let us admit it in America our
poets are our singer-songwriters in large part, can be more than the sum of
black words on a white page in narrative.
At 61 I find myself asking the are you living the life you chose
question quite often. A hundred
variations of that question pass through my head each day. Do other people feel like this I wonder? Is there any single person who feels fulfilled?
As to the are you taking the adult dose well that query
hangs around me too. Am I being the
adult in my relationships with my children, my peers, my wife and my family,
these cycle through my head. Can I take
the things in life an adult is supposed to be able to handle? I haven’t fucked
it all up. If needed I could pay off my
house and all my loans and live a very meager life for my remaining years. But do I have the maturity and experience to
say I can really take the adult dose.
How long will it be before there is nobody to check to see if I am
alright?
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