Breaking the chains that bind us to suffering
One way to handle the impulses that bind us to suffering is through cognitive intervention. If we’re behind the wheel and another driver cuts us off, leans on his horn, or otherwise drives provocatively, we can construct a narrative to explain his aggressiveness: “He’s late for something, and probably not for the first time. He’s desperate to get there, and you know yourself what that’s like!” The same line of creative speculation works in the face of any form of hostility: “She may have just lost her job,” or “He just had a fight with his wife.” These kinds of stories, even if fanciful, offer us some breathing room, interrupting the reaction chain that binds us to suffering.
- Bodhin Kjolhede, "Pain, Passion, and the Precepts"
Lately I have been dabbling with an American distillation of Buddhism. Input on this comes to me through places like Tricycle Magazine and various English language translations of Buddhist texts. As of yet I am not a Buddhist however I find things in Buddhism that are congruent with my innermost belief system. How is that for a confusedly enigmatic viewpoint?
On a daily basis I get a blurb from Tricycle called The Daily Dharma. A simplified Anglophone definition of dharma would be “the truth about the way things are and will always be in the universe or in nature.” For years I have read Thomas Merton most mornings. Occasionally I will go out to a site run by hard line old school Catholic monks on an island off the Irish coast. Most days of late I have liked The Daily Dharma most of all.
For years I have battled with the American disease of borderline obesity. I am inert, inactive and snack constantly. My metabolism slowed down long ago.
At one time I went to Weight Watchers for a year it was effective. I shed fifty pounds or so. It wasn’t hard going to Weight Watchers for me. I was about the only guy there and well I have never liked really skinny women. (Chuckling would be appropriate not ewwwwhs.) Anyway Weight Watcher eventually stopped working for me. I think what happened is that WW does not do a good job of reinforcing maintenance of a health weight. When you lose weight you get lots of applause. Once you hit your goal weight you tend to slack off going because it just isn’t the same to have the person at the scale say no weight loss as opposed to congrats you are 2 ½ pounds down. There are no hurrahs for stability. I have found a great number of areas of life where there are no hurrahs for stability.
In one version of Weight Watchers (and the programs are always evolving) they were big on 8 Techniques to Address Food Challenges. The two I remember were storyboarding and reframing.
Storyboarding was thinking about food challenges you would be facing in the next day or so and working out mental flow charts of what you would do to avoid the challenges. An example would be if it was a holiday gathering and cousin Bob gave you a plate of meatballs (because he always gives you unhealthy food) while someone else handed you a beer what you would do. One storyboad strategy would be to add healthy things to the plate and just nibble on them. Another would be to put the plate in the kitchen and walk into the living room declining food offers because you already had a plate waiting back in the kitchen (which was out of sight and thus not tempting you). The beer would be set by the plate and you would get some ice water “because I am really thirsty”.
Sometimes reframing worked better. In such a case you would have to work up a story about the meaning of the interaction, diet sabotage or misdirected love on the part of cousin Bob. Using reframing you could construct an inner rationale to abandon the plate. Reframing would leave you with a rationale that would not leave you with cognitive dissonance. Ah cousin Bob loves me but if I give in to this misguided attempt at showing love (in American food is always love) I won’t be around much longer to share the warm familial affection with Bob and others. Be polite but do the right thing. Hey it isn’t the best example but you get my drift.
Looking at the dharma today it seems to me that the piece is urging a regular use of reframing of situations where we could allow negative emotions and impulses overcome us. I liked the thought that a story even if fanciful might be enough to avoid negative emotions that would bind us to suffering, especially in situations where there is no need to know the whole back-story of events. The clearly negative grunt of another coworker in response to your morning greeting can be cast in an understanding light based on assumptions that their ride in today was unduly rough. You don’t really need to know what the cause is; you just have to be able to avoid being sucked in to the negative emotion they have shared that if you internalize will lead you to suffering.
Yeah reframing moments consciously knowing that reframing is what you are doing, can give personal spiritual growth some breathing room. It can allow your spirit access to a space where it will not be overwhelmed by unneeded and unnecessary suffering.
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