Three Things, One of Which is a Comment on the Current State of Max's Asperger Storyline on Parenthood

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Three things are on my mind this warm spring morning. I note them below.

Songbirds. Arriving downtown a little early today I walked from my bus stop to my favorite coffee shop and then on to my office. If you are ever in Lansing, MI Biggby’s on Ottawa Street is a fine place to meet, mingle and drink coffee, I highly recommend it. The conversation with the way over-educated barristas is worth the price of admission. Anyway, as I travelled my well worn route the air around my path was filled with the sounds of singing songbirds. Songbirds are coming back it seems and it is something to be happy about.

When I was a child growing up in the swamps of southern New Jersey I remember the vibrant song of the birds. I lived across from a gas station. Each day starting first thing in the morning the owner would punctuate his trips to the pump to fill up cars with his take on his favorite songs. While I would hear the owner singing his lungs out, I would also hear the birds providing graceful filigree to that earthy throaty voice. Together they were beautiful. This aural blend remains one of my fondest childhood memories.

Up until about 5-8 years ago I didn’t hear the songbirds very much around my home in my little suburban neighborhood in Michigan. The crows seemed to have driven them out. All I would hear when I headed outside each day was caw caw. The loud insistent almost dinosaur era clamoring of the crows was not very pleasant.

When West Nile virus swept through the area almost all of the crows died off. You would see them in groups of 3 or 4 lying dead on the macadam surface of the street. It was scary. But eventually the fear wore off. Nobody in my neighborhood keeled over from West Nile. But suddenly there were songbirds again, in abundance.

Some crows have returned but the songbirds are still present and still singing at the tops of their little lungs. Today is already bright with the promise of 70+ F temperature here but the voices of song birds trilling in every nook and cranny just makes the day electric.

Autism Awareness. Because I got downtown early I was able to look at the USA Today sitting on a table at my favorite coffee shop. In the Life section there was an article about Songs of the Spectrum. http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2010-03-31-autismsingsos31_ST_N.htm This is an effort by a parent of an Autism Spectrum child to build awareness and to provide benefit funds for autism efforts. There was a chart included in the article that indicates early autism diagnosis will reduce the cost of autism support and care for a child by 2/3rds over her/his lifetime. The chart also mentioned that screening is possible starting at roughly age two. From personal experience I can tell you there is real truth in this. If you have suspicions about whether a child you know is impacted by autism don’t delay in following up. Primus was not diagnosed until age 12. Having an earlier diagnosis would really have made a significant difference in his educational experience. April is Autism Awareness Month.

Parenthood Rocks. Sticking with the autism storyline Parenthood is showing something that my wife and I have experienced first hand, the involvement of a child with Asperger’s in team sports. Going this route is not for everyone and it does not guarantee a positive or successful result. However in our case it has had meaning and has provided growth that we really wouldn’t have seen otherwise.

In the series Max is on a softball team. He cannot hit, he cannot catch and he feels isolated (or perhaps mistreated is the better word). The father Adam Braverman finds another family member, Max’s cousin Drew that is willing to practice with him and Max. As they practice Max begins to develop some basic skills and seems to enjoy it when he gets the technique needed to make a catch. My hope is that with these skills he can make a connection with one or two of his team mates. It would also make sense to show some other parents reaction. It is amazing the win at all costs mindset that starts at the very earliest level of children’s sports. I digress.

Primus has been playing hockey for 6 or 7 years now. His skill set has through the early years was at the very lowest end of the spectrum for his team. But one thing about his variant of ASD is that he listens with precision to the details of a coach’s instruction. As he has grown he has moved slowly into the mid-pack level of skills for B hockey. More importantly he values his “team”. Maybe Max will follow that route in the storyline.

Primus’s use of the term of team is not another phrase for his friends. He mentally puts them in a box different from people at school and people he interacts with at other settings. But they have a higher value than just classmates to him. Further as the years have gone on he has learned to engage in some locker room conversation. Now mind you he punched someone out this year that criticized his playing but the same kid received similar treatment from a couple of neuro-typicals. More importantly he makes jokes and wants to be in the room with the team without adults being there. This is a major step for a kid with Aspergers.

My hope is that the story line on Parenthood will address some of this. Being on a team for an ASD kid is not easy but sometimes it can provide opportunity for interaction that would never occur otherwise. It is not a cure, a fix and it is definitely not easy. It is not easy for you as a parent watching your kid being outclassed on the field or on the ice. It is not easy for your kid to take the crap for poor play in the dugout or the locker room. But one thing about ASD kids is that they can be determined and focused. They will keep working until they improve and in the end they may find a benefit from the effort that is worth the tough parts of the experience.

Just remember when you have seen one kid with Aspergers, you have seen one kid with Aspergers. Every one of them travels a different route.