And Then You Turn and the Hallway Behind You is Quite Long

Reflection comes when you least seem inclined to do it. For me it comes when a space opens between one moment of rushing necessity and another moment of long ritualized routine. Something usually acts as a catalyst. The inward gaze is a fire that can be fanned by a comment about what you were back when made over coffee by a friend not seen for many years. The inward voice says “What I was back then, aren’t I still that day? What happened?”
Deliberate retrospective reflection can be tricky. I for one do not want to find a mass of negatives that outweigh all the positives I have done, I believe do and I hope I embody. Really does anyone want to go to that place? Nobody wants to realize their Hitler or Pol Pot. Still, we don’t want to find out either that we are simply a nobody, a person without a center, or a person without values who will not be missed because we stood for nothing.
It isn’t the not being missed part that worries me. In 80 years unless you have conquered kingdoms or destroyed (or touched) millions of lives you will be forgotten. What worries me is the shoulder shrug at the funeral of those weighing what you meant to them, to your family, to the world.
Over several days or maybe weeks I think I will take some time to look at who I am in the moment. As Aldous Huxley said in Island, “Be here, be now!” I will try and balance one good attribute with one that needs attention or that troubles me. Right now I have to do some work and as the day goes on I will try and put together some thoughts on a bit of the issues I am working through right now. Stay tuned.

Nature Abhors Artifice

As I walked in this morning I passed a vacant lot where a large college bar used to be. The building is gone but the entrance ways, small pieces macadam surface remain. It is funny to me my office is that not more than 100 yards from where I sat and watched T Rex performed bang a gong in 1974.

T-Rex is gone. The brewery is gone. The little entrance ways into what used to be the parking lot remain. Human experience and human history are fleeting things. As these flowers demonstrate nature will win out in the end.

Water and Growth

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Michigan summer day is coming on with all its heat and humidity. Rain passed by yesterday with just pounding torrents. The soil around my tomatoes had gotten hard packed from the recent and continuing lack of rain. My youngest is charged with watering the plants regularly. He forgets.
When I headed out to the hybrid this morning to come to the office I did a walk around our plants. Following that hard rain they seemed to have perked up. I guess the trade off between heat and humidity and home grown tomatoes is a very good one.
Today’s Buddhist quote from Tricycle’s Daily Dharma is one that caught my mind as I was thinking about tomatoes and work and how old my car is and why I didn’t sleep well last night.
Feathers in the Wind
Instead of focusing on some thoughts and feelings and pushing away others, just look at them as feathers flying in the wind. The wind is your awareness, your inborn openness and clarity.
- Tsoknyi Rinpoche, "Feathers are Harmless"