Alien Life Form on Ice

Sunday, January 20, 2013

A long time ago if you had told me how much time I would be spending on the road staying at mostly mediocre motels and hanging out at hockey rinks waiting for Primus’s games to begin I would have laughed at you.  Being a hockey parent was never in my life plan.  

Thinking back on it Hell, it wasn’t in my life plan to be a parent.  Due to medical conditions my beloved wife and I never anticipated children, funny how the cosmos, or the Divine, or God or fate intervenes and rewrites your plan.  The shifting order of reality happens again and again.  We may need some reason to believe, but I kind of think simple acceptance in the way of the Zen masters works for me.  My life has become has become what it was always meant to become.

Some years in hockey have been good and some years have been awful.  There were moments of joy and moments of pain that stretched my temper and patience to the breaking point. Still all in all I don’t think I would trade in all the bad morning coffee, the hometown referees, the slow service for groups of forty for anything.  There is something about being with people who are trying to find a common point to unify around that is very, very special.  

There are little things you get from these experiences.  Debt is one of them but don’t even go there. Connection with some damn nice people is another and it way outweighs the impecunious life it has caused me. For example over the past day I have sat and talked to an optometrist, a contractor and a software engineer about their respective life arcs and their dreams for their children. They believe and they have hopes that what will follow for their children will be good.  Each of these parents I have spoken with has had passion; these aren’t people with a laissez faire attitude about life plans.  

The other thing I see is kids being kids and at the same time building connections that will follow them for the rest of their lives.  They may not know it but somewhere they will impact each others’ lives again. Somewhere one of them will stand up for another of them in a tight sport, or bail them out, or give them a reference and it will make a difference in their life. It may be casual or planned moment but they know they are stand up guys working for that common purpose to win. They have knowledge of each other and they trust each other. They will remember the foibles and limitations but they will remember that fought and worked together to be the best they could be.

My son is the alien among them.  This is not his planet but he has learned to talk the language.  He has mastered most of the lexicon of sports metaphors, the palette of appropriate glances and supportive words to offer in tough situations and hell he even makes eye contact with his team mates.  He wants to go out to lunch with them.  He wants to play ministicks with them untill 2 a.m.  He even worked himself into a dice game with some of the parents. 

I don’t know why we stuck with it, but the reward has been great.  Breathing bad air at the rink, driving through ice and snow and like I said drinking bad coffee has led to something positive and wonderful for Mom, Dad and the all American alien child. If your child is neurotypical I have no hesitation urging you to spend the dollars and get him or her into the mix at the rink.  Hockey is both physical and spiritual and it is damn fun to watch.  

If your child like mine is on the spectrum, hockey isn’t as easy a choice.  For some ASD kids it will work and for others it won’t.  Still I would urge you if you child has Aspergers or has the words “high functioning” somewhat floating about them that you consider organized sports.  Be it soccer or baseball or hockey start it early.  Be patient and be ready to intervene with knowledgeable commentary to coaches on how to best approach your child and his or her communication and behavioral patterns. Be ready to offer guidance to other parents on how to explain to their children the issues and suggestions (when you are asked for them) on what to tell their children to expect from your child. 

It sounds weird but what I guess I am saying is that for us, hockey is therapy, hockey is life, hockey is connection to a regular world and it has worked.  Every ASD kid is different but we kind of have to make our strategies up as we go along based on what works.  I am a believer in integration with involved parenting in organized sports.  It ain’t always easy, but as I sit here at what will probably be our last road tournament on the road I am having some misty eyed moments.