Come the Turning of the Year 2019/2020

29 December 2019

Come the Turning of the Year

When a year ends, when a decade ends, it is important to put your spiritual home in order.  Given I work a full day tomorrow, and given New Year’s Eve tends to be odd in its rhythms, this afternoon is the best time for me to do this.

Let me begin to say I am sorry.  I am sorry for those I have subjected to harsh words.  I am sorry for those I did not comfort.  I am sorry for the tasks I promised I would undertake, but did not finish or did not even start.  I am sorry for being a poor correspondent.  I am sorry for missing your point. I am sorry that I did not become all those things you needed me to be and I wanted to be. Please forgive me.

Let me say I forgive everyone.  If you feel you have slighted me, it is forgotten.  If you know you did me wrong, I will leave it in the past and move on not holding a grudge. This blanket absolution applies to all manner of flora and fauna, and all beings mortal and eternal.  I specifically forgive the cells in my kidney that went awry giving me a second bout of cancer.  

Let me at this point promise to make amends.  If you feel that I have done you wrong, I will try and ameliorate the injury you have incurred. If I owe you money I will pay you back.  If I owe you a favor I will endeavor to fulfill it.  If the the injury is grievous I will act with contrition and bear whatever burden I can for you.

Finally, let me promise to be better.  You should know the coming year is one of great change for me.  I am retiring.  I am thrilled and frightened beyond belief. Be this as it is, I will try and clear my mind each morning and act in a manner where what I do each day is the next right thing. 

Finally I will say I will be thankful and that I am thankful.  I am thankful for my wife.  I am thankful for my sons.  I am thankful for my coworkers.  I am thankful for my supportive extended family.  I am thankful for all my friends who gave me much needed moral support and faith during my surgery and after.  

There are some specific people I really want to thank.  These people include, but are not limited to my wife, my sister Joy, Dr. Kaffenberger at U or M urological oncology, Sue Ward, John Boyd, Deb Shipman, Wayne Dornbusch,, Rich Kincaide, Chris Hammond and Jason Mankey.  All of you during the period of time I was diagnosed with cancer,  through the surgery, and then  through the recovery were there, giving me positive vibes for the lack of a better word. The visits, comments and messages I received made a world of difference to me.

Support came in the form of long very intellectual letters, to visits before and after the surgery, to Messenger notes of encouragement, to comments on this blog. All of you have made me feel like recovery was going to happen, and all of you have encouraged me in your own ways to do things that matter. Thank you all. You have my love.