Anger and Agitation are not Beneficial

I think the key to getting these things posted is keeping them short.  Last night I got on a roll and it is about 10 paragraphs long and it is only about 2/3rds done.  Maybe that particular post will get done before my surgery.  Maybe it won’t.  Not like any of the stuff I write is memorable, but at least I am doing something other than mopeing.

Today is a mopeing day. Previewing the work at day’s beginning things looked easy.  Doing the work all sorts of little, but not really little, issues arose.  Tried to get some help from my superior, but my thought is that she is irritated with me because I won’t tell her the exact date I am retiring.  As it stands I have several other health issues I need to attend to.  I am not going to leave my job where I have good insurance before I address those.

Truth be told I am not trying to mess with anyone.  Truth also be told I have given the State of Michigan my honest efforts for 18 years and 49 weeks.  If I have to take care of me as I am on my way out, we I am going to do what is permitted by the policies in place and the rules governing my behavior as an employee.  Sure, she wants to begin the process to get a new Hearing Officer, but I really do have to look out for me.

I started clearing out my office today when I got so irritated at the situation that I was not thinking correctly.  Recycling calendars from 18 years ago stopped me from sending the e-mail that said, “Sorry my cancer is causing you an inconvenience. Guess what?  It is taking a mental toll on me.”  

Then I opened the envelope and found the kite John Lee made when he was five.  Construction paper and weird colors it was a beautiful thing.  And there was Loren’s drawing of something.  I am sure he told me what it was at the time but now it is kind of abstract.

Seeing the handiwork of my sons when they were so little just melted my heart.  It released what churning irritation was in my heart. My boys are strange beasts, this was foreordained by genetics.  Still, to see what they made, the creative sparks that were already flowing back in their preschool days, it kept me sane at least for a moment.