I Found My Thrill...

Neat, mirror-shinny napkin dispensers, each in its own space, each equidistant from the next one, sat on the counter. Formica and white the counter stretched on for the length of the long thin front room of the diner. Between the napkin-holder/condiment stations sat those old jukebox units with metal tabs, tabs you pushed or pulled to move between pages listing song after song.

Round stools of chrome and sticky vinyl covers, a vinyl that made fart like sounds on hot days when you tried to move your butt around to get comfortable were bolted down for the whole length of the counter .The menus rested in little trestle things on the inside edge of the well worn counter. Wrapped in clear, but yellowing vinyl like your great aunts couch the numbers on the price column had been whited out and written over so many times you ended up guessing what the blurs really added up to. You hoped those crumpled dollars in your blue jeans would cover it.

The menus carried the death we all approach so quickly now in all of its tasty component parts. As your read each item you could smell the burger on the grill and catch that hot moist warm odor of the fries in the deep fat fryer coming from the kitchen. The first beverage was coffee. The next was Coca Cola and this was the real thing, the real stuff no saccharine, no aspertaine just vanilla and lots of carbonated sugar water.

Heinz Ketchup sat on the counter along with a squirt bottle of mustard of unknown origin. That squirt bottle with the brown caked cap at the top so yellow that it clearly was not a product of nature's bounty. The service was as quick as it needed to be and if you wanted it that coffee I mentioned was black and fresh and it didn't require sixteen different directions be given to the server; it was just coffee for chrissakes.

The place was the Fernwood Diner although it might have been the Summit or the Empire or even the Point Diner. A few menu items might change based on the nationality of the owners, but there was always a burger basket, a couple of shakes, the diet plate (peaches, lettuce and cottage cheese) and usually Coke products.

The kitchen staff dressed in white. The waitresses dressed in little pale outfits with aprons that were white, black or which matched the color of the outfit but with some frills at the edge. The women were older, always older than I was and they smelled of coffee and cigarettes. They talked fast, smiled (usually) and would crack a quip. Their apron pockets jingled with the sound of tip money. While these ladies might offer a mild double entendre there was no cursing and no overt sexual talk. This was before America threw in the towel and every conversation had to be punctuated by profanity and every line of talk had to end below the belt. You told the filthy joke about the midget the penguins and the Pope out on the steps leading into the diner, but never at the counter. Even then life was earthy and real but it stayed its nasty self outside the door because rules inside were rules.

I got to know this diner well because it was where I hid. Whenever I came to visit Muffy in her working class Philadelphia suburb, I would stay with her in the first floor flat she rented. Her apartment abutted the back of the Fernwood Diner. My gear, clothes and backpack were always stowed out of sight. If Muffy's parents came by for a visit, especially if they came by early, I had to be elsewhere. Thus when that doorbell rang I would haul ass out the back door and head over to the Diner.

Each time I would go into the Fernwood no matter what time of day or night I would normally order a burger and fries. Normally my visits at the diner would last a half hour or so. Having been hustled out to avoid detection I would get a Philadelphia Inquirer and I would work the crossword, slowly, very slowly. My vocabulary came from that puzzle, it wasn't the Times but it was hard enough.

I would wolf down the burger but I would play with the fries. One fry, one dip into the ketchup and one small sip of the Coke, do another clue. You sipped the Coke in small sips 'cause nobody refilled nothing 'cept an occasional warm up on coffee for free. Setting down my pen on the folder newsprint I would keep watch out the big glass window that wrapped around the chrome facade to see if the parents' car was gone. No matter how many times this routine happened the Buick would never leave soon enough. Most of the time I would be nearly done the puzzle with the odd five letter word left to finish when I say the car pull away.

Each and every time I was wasting another precious moment of life in the diner I would flip those little metal tabs and move the metal sheets with the little red and white labels identifying each song, artist and b-side until I had seen them all. There would always be a couple of current songs, like Elton John's Mona Lisa's and Mad Hatters or Rocket Man. And there were a bunch of songs like Aretha singing Respect or Chain of Fools. CCR was also heavily represented.

Tucked on each of those metal pages were some classic oldies, Charlie Brown, some Fat's Domino and Gene Pitney. It was weird it was like the juke box was trying to be all things to all people. If my visit were later in the day I would play Credence or Elton or something else with a good solid beat. Kids my age 18 or 19 would nod their heads along but I could see the staff was just tolerating it. Most of the time during my exile I just didn't play anything, hey a dime did not come easily out of my pocket.

One morning and I think it was a Saturday. I mean it probably wasn't a Sunday because almost invariably I would already be hitchhiking back to Michigan on a Sunday unless I had gotten a ride back lined up off the ride board on campus. Usually this didn't happen because Philly was six hundred miles away from East Lansing. Well, anyway the parents showed up early and unannounced. Tennis shoes, t-shirt and jeans no socks and maybe commando in the underwear department I bolted for the diner. Luckily I had some money in my pocket. For a change I made my order wrecked eggs and zeppelins with liquid sunshine. And there was some loose change.

I flipped that dine a couple of times weighing what kind of nasty looks I would get if I played something on the jukebox at 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. Finally I just decided to say screw it and dropped it in the slot. I was committed now but what to play. The pages went back and forth five or ten times. Finally I opted for an oldie. Punching D-9 I picked Blueberry Hill. What happened next was surreal.

As the song began to play one of the waitresses was heading into the kitchen. From where I sat I could see the guy washing dishes and the cook and another guy who seemed to be doing some prep. As the song got to about the third word all of these guys started to sing and dance. True story it was like watching Frankie Avalon, James Darrin and Bobby Rydell all singing along and doing their best moves in prep for their next Bandstand appearance. Well except these guys were fat, middle aged and wearing soiled cooks’ whites. Every time that door swung in or out these guys were singing in dancing and cutting up stuff and flipping eggs and whatever. The waitresses were singing too, on key and with a lilt in their step. It was clear that this had happened before, many, many times.

Me I just put my paper down and took it all in. Hey I don’t know why, but it was an amazing moment. All these people doing this little bit of musical theatre for themselves for whatever reason and being in a good, nayh great mood for two minutes and thirty eight seconds.

Maybe it was just that song. Maybe they had a shared experience and the whole thing was tied to someone that was now gone. I don’t know I didn’t ask and nobody volunteered. When the song ended the dancing stop and the magic moment ended. A couple of minutes later and the parents pulled away. I left some coins, paid at the register by the door and left.

I think this memory sticks with me because it was unexpected, unique and surreally beautiful. I could go into a hundred diners and play a hundred oldies and nothing like this would ever happen again. But it did happen that day when I was at loose ends and my ten cents put it into play. Serendipity?