Written In Grand Rapids on 02-08-09

A Space True and North has its origins in my daily journal. What finds it way onto this electronic blackboard starts out as barely readable scrawls jotted down in a spiral bound notebook. Today I have taken out my journal for the first time in a long, long time. My last entry is January 4, 2009. After I capture some thoughts I will post.

When I drafted my last entry it was just seven days after my gallbladder surgery. While I was bitching at that time about the pain and the side effects of the Vicodin I actually felt worse as time went on. The acute gut pain went away but a general weakness; both physical and spiritual overcame me. For whatever reason, I just could not put my pen to paper. My fingers refused to tap on the keyboard also. (Sometimes I type up a journal entry and print it and cut and paste it into the little spiral bound book I carry about.). I don’t know why I have to do it in writing first, but it seems to clarify and focus my thoughts.

For whatever reason, I feel better today. Right now I am in a hotel in Grand Rapids, Michigan. This lobby has certain similarities to your basic fern bar. Various touches carry over from the fake flowers in the vases to the furniture that tries to look “authentic.” Maybe I am motivated to write by the change of locale. On the other hand my buoyant spirits might be the result of the unseasonably warm weather. To me at least it seems the temperature has not broken the freezing mark in a month, maybe more. Today it is about 50 degrees. Given what the last month has felt like what is occurring outside could be tropical breezes blowing. Primus and Secundus are refusing to wear their jackets.

Moving beyond this ramble on my weather induced giddiness I note that I have received several e-mails over the past couple weeks looking on my spin as to the new administration. While some of the notes have expressed surprise that I haven’t been fawning on or following President Obama’s every move, I note this is not Politico or Real Clear Politics. My blog is a pastiche of many things.

My writing idol was Jean Shepherd who looked at America’s (and American’s personal) absurdities and made us laugh about them in a way that was done with love and not mean spirited cynicism. I still chuckle to myself when I remember the story about the old man at the county fair on the salt and pepper shaker. There comes a moment when the loose change and the content of stomachs previously filled with beer are hanging suspended in mid air as the ride stops to change direction and everyone is hanging upside down. At times I do wax on a bit darker and a bit more political but the heart of this is mostly memoir and observation.

Now having communicated that I am not a political writer I have a couple of comments on our political world. We’re Fucked!

To begin with Obama will not be able to stop this economic train wreck. While the stimulus is a good idea the sense I get from the reporting is that it is not the forward thinking group of programs and actions it should have been. Harry Reid is a piece of shit and doesn’t deserve to be leader of the Senate. He is old politics at its worst. Obama should work to engineer regime change in the upper body of our house. I think Reid has allowed the same old same old pork barrel nonsense to infect this bill in a way that guts its ultimate purpose. We are saddling ourselves with debt while we have not addressed core issues not in any meaningful sense. Hello the earth is quickly becoming a toaster over. It is stop on a dime and change how we live time. Local food movements are good. Wind farms are good. Local, regional, state governments should be working toward a smaller sphere of life. I will miss trips to the East to see my friends in New Jersey, North Carolina and Florida but I would miss my children’s chance at a green world even more.

On the micro side of the economic picture while I have a cushion it is a whole lot smaller than it used to be. Recently I heard from one of my friends that they had lost a long term job. Layoffs had now come to people I actually know. Permanent layoffs for older workers are the new reality. Additionally both the State that I work for and the university my wife works for are looking at major cuts to health care. Hmmh, I have had cancer I have bad lungs and heart issues oh and I am getting old. Excuse me if I have some trepidation on what happens next.

Next the people Obama has brought into his inner circle make this administration look surprisingly like what it would have looked like had Hillary Clinton become President. It is the Clinton White House II. Excuse me I thought I voted for change. I am hoping for better but right now I am reminded of the Who song, “Won’t Get Fooled Again”.

For a campaign that was so efficiently and effectively run I am worried about some of the major missteps and gaffes I am seeing. Is this a portent of the next four years? Hello, isn’t have you paid all and I mean all of your taxes the second question to be asked in every pre-selection interview? Thanks to the folks who brought the Contract with on America the first question is “Have you been diddling the help.” The Daschle imbroglio stands out but he is not alone and we all know it. Is it that Washington is just so freaking’ corrupt that it is time to use that text in our founding documents that says when it gets too messed up we can revolt and start again?

Okay I will stop on this rant.

Recently a friend of mine approached me and began in a very soft voice, “Jay, can I talk to you…” As soon as I heard his tone I knew what was going on. He had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. In my office I have been very open about my condition, perhaps too open. I have talked about the pain, the issues with incontinence, the sexual issues and I really haven’t held back. I offer my recommendation on the ED drugs without hesitation. But as calm as he seemed the fear when your are diagnosed is very overwhelming.

My friend was going with the DaVinci robotic procedure. Same thing I had done. We compared our biopsies, sodomization by a dildo with teeth if you ask me. He liked that description. Once you have been through a procedure you have a couple of choices, one is that as guide and mentor to those who come after you. Everyone’s experience is different but you have done the research, you have sweated the small stuff you have something that may allay somebody else’s dark moment. It felt good to be able to offer some basic and practical advice. It is here I want to thank those people who helped me when it was my time of uncertainty, you know who you are.

The surgery was set but has now been postponed because of an issue in the physician’s family. If you have faith, do what you do to communicate with who or what you touch base with spiritually for my friend. Say prayers burn incense chant whatever but seem out those vibes for both my friend and his doctor.

In my next post I will set forth my prostate cancer story. Most of you have seen it. Some have not. What I would ask is that if you have a friend or someone who is dealing with cancer tell them its there, share the URL if that want to see it.

Okay I am done for now. Hey it is not my best post but it is better than nothing.