Day 11 of 365 (Inside Llewyn Davis)

I have been waiting a long time to see the current Coen brothers’ movie, Inside Llewyn Davis. Finally it came to the hinterland on Friday. Me, I got to see it the next day. The film was a small delight. Crafted very carefully the movie painted the picture of a very small window of time in 1961. The attention to detail always in each frame of the film is very compelling. The use of darker camera filters to make the scenes seem to perpetually be shot under cloudy skies was an excellent choice.


The story itself is not as unrelentingly depressing as some other of their films, I note No Country for Old Men takes the number one spot in this category. But it not a farce like Raising Arizona. It comes in with a feeling somewhere between A Serious Man and O Brother Where Art Thou. The film feels of the time when it is set and the characters are not in a Disney world. The main thing is that the main character while having solid positive motives is not very likable.


One thing about the movie there is a travel segment when the lead character takes a trip to Chicago. It is a better version of On the Road than On the Road was. Maybe the brothers should try and really capture that story in a Showtime mini-series.


 If you have ever seen a Coen brothers’ movie and liked it, then I can recommend this film to you. If you are not offended by F bombs, like the early folk music scene and are a fan of absurdist humor (or perhaps highly ironic humor), I can also recommend this film. If you saw a film like The Big Lebowski and though WTF well this film is not for you.

Day 10 of 365 (Parenthood revisited)

Aspergers. 

 That word can hang in space, challenging, haunting, and tinged with an awkward emotional patina. Many people may hear the word and think oh it is just another disorder de jour. It isn’t. Even the professional community has a rough time handling what to say about and how to approach Aspergers. With the growing number of diagnoses it is clear that something is going on. It is also clear that Aspergers is something both sides of the coin, those with the status and those without are going to have to deal with for a long, long time.

Aspergers is a condition that defines so much of what my family life is about. Even with Primus, the oldest and the one with the diagnoses, out of the house at university Aspergers touches us every day. So much of what occurs is dictated by the unique attributes of the status and the ripples stirred up and left from Primus continuing passage through our lives. When I wrote the other day (and yes I know I sounded maudlin and depressed because I was) we had been confronted (again) with one of those sandpaper areas of conflict between neurotypical life and Aspergers. 

Today I can take a breath. The challenges will continue. There is no easy fix to that interface. There is no quick fix. Fix is not the right word really. It is more of a negotiation. It is more of a creation of a script that allows Microsoft software to work on Apple computers. 

Funny thing is that several years ago I had written about how positive the program Parenthood had been in its depiction of Aspergers. Max Braverman as a character was a weekly illustration to the world of what Aspergers is and isn’t and what family life with Aspergers is and isn’t. 

I had stopped watching the show for a time because one particular plot line had lost my interest. Telling the tale of one particular daughter’s romance issues seemed too contrived for me and the spooky allure of Person of Interest (one of my top 10 desert island list of TV shows) pulled me away. Person of Interest has changed days and time slots and the show that has filled its slot has not caught my attention so I have started watching Parenthood again. 

 Damn. Now the writers are developing an adult character with the status. Ray Romano as an adult with Aspergers is a brilliant casting choice. His physical looks, his mannerisms, he dialog delivery they are all just spot on. There is no condescension in the tone of the teleplay. There is a real striving for a true character. 

Last night there were conflicts for both Ray and for Max. To me it seemed a perfect choice to be using a photographer as a person with Aspergers who could function in the adult world. The precision work required in high end photography and the solitary component of the artistic element were the right place for that character. 

If you have never seen the show, or if you haven’t a clue as to what I mean when I talk about the sandpaper interaction between Aspergers and the neurotypical world watch the next couple of episodes. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t followed the series for the last five years. You can jump in at any moment and the story lines are universal. See what more and more of American families have to adjust to.

Day 9 of 365 (Some Wreckage)

Last night I was in a rather dark place. Autism once again raised one of its challenges in the life of my family. 

 What occurred was a conflict between a desire to succeed and the common Aspergers’s traits of a fear of admitting struggles and ultimately of telling anyone of upcoming trouble. 

 There is wreckage to be dealt with. Last night was tough. Right now I have to back away. If growth is to occur I have to just take my leave for a time. 

Right now at this moment I just don’t have the placid demeanor to get involved. The gentle hand of my spouse must act. Her calm nature as opposed to my volatile nature will sooth the waters and will dictate a plan of action, a plan of salvage. 

But ADHD issues were in play too. Hopefully those have been brought to a close at current. We shall see. When these two items converged in the light of the day yesterday I melted down. Seeking refuge I crawled into the bath. 

 What does the future hold? 

 Years ago when I could find time to read fiction I read a book called “Remains of the Day” by Kazuo Ishiguro. The book is about 175 pages long. The first 100 pages were interesting, interesting enough to keep reading but they were not what you would call focused and compelling. At about page 100 the threads of the tale began to weave together. As each of those last 75 pages got turned the story got richer and more wonderful. In the end the book was one of the finest things I have ever examined. 

My hope is that this life I am leading is like that book. The threads so far have been interesting and colorful. But I am waiting for that wonderful tapestry to begin to reveal itself. I hope the rest of the story is a fantastic mosaic.

Day 8 of 365 (Barren Mind)

Inge Scholl wrote:" The only remedy for a barren heart is prayer, however poor and inadequate…I’m still so remote from God that I don’t even sense his presence when I pray." Still she prays. When I took this picture I grabbed it for the sole reason that the sun was hanging so oddly in the noon time sky. I thought that the scene was eerie and barren. In my mind I was hearing Billy Bragg singing “there will be a reckoning.” My children vex me. Looking at the shot this evening after dealing with the challenges of being a parent the tree is a barren as my heart is tonight. In the shadows it is there that the humble pray. Like Inge I too offer my petitions even when I don’t sense the presence of the Divine.

Day 7 of 365 (No Need to be in Your Face)

A friend of mine gave me a book entitled, “Jesus Calling”. I, even though you probably have sensed have some ambivalence in my faith (I refer to myself as a Zen Lutheran), like the book. 

 Today’s topic was the tenderness of the Divine. The author states that it is weakness that the Divine reaches out with the tenderest of love, something akin to the benevolent parent’s love. The first of the spiritual quotes comes from Psalm 46 and I quote verses 1-4:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. 

 I have always liked this Psalm even from my days growing up in that small town Baptist church. The idea that despite tsunamis, blizzards and earthquakes that we have an “ever-present help in trouble,” is comforting. We have a short time on this world. Comfort is hard to come by. If based on this promise people act to assist the homeless, the jailed, the hungry, the oppressed and any other person in need believing they are the instruments of the Divine then it is a better world isn’t it? 

 At a Billy Bragg concert the issue of faith came up. Billy always the talker was clear that he was a humanist and did not buy into the concepts of an afterlife, etc. Mr. Bragg specifically would not countenance a frontal attack on religion or the religious. He stated that when he walked picket lines, went into homeless shelters and soup kitchens the people you knew would always be there were people of faith. He stated if faith could bring about that kind of goodness he would not go out of his way to attack or insult believers. I am with him.

Day 6 of 365 (Act of Kindness)

Garrison Keillor back in the day was not the parody of himself that he has become. I used to listen to a Prairie Home Companion almost religiously. In the old days when he did not interject his voice into almost every song by every guest artist and when he danced deftly around the libidinous issues of the Lutherans of Lake Woebegon Mr. Keillor would often tell stories about life in the cold back before cellphone and the internet. 

 Those tales he told focused on how things would happen that would move the initial contact between two parts of a couple together. The scene would be a big snow storm. The lads would of the town have shoveled off the pond over at the Gunderson’s farm. A large fire would be built and some crates would have been set down at the ice’s edge for seating. Invariably a teen girl and teen boy would be sitting at either end of a row of crates and as the evening would pass they would share a blanket for warmth and eventually they would be holding hands. Forty years would pass and they would still be married. 

 Mr. Keillor would also talk about storm homes. These were places that when the weather got too rough on the way home from grade school you could go to seek shelter. He would talk about what his mental image of a storm home would be and all the things that would be there making the place welcoming and safe. He would say that in the world we live in sometimes he wished he still had a storm home. 

 One recurring theme would be that the cold harsh winters of Minnesota made people take responsibility for their neighbors. Michigan is not as harsh as Minnesota but we do have a similar code here. If you are in trouble there may come only one person who has a chance to help you. 

 Last night we had a big storm, 14 inches of snow. Today it got cold. It is about 0 F out there and the wind is kicking up. My office closed, my wife’s office closed and all the schools in the area closed. I am not in a shape that I could have shoveled all the snow that fell on my drive this morning, not safely, and not sanely.

 Luckily the university was also closed and I kept the Moose home. My plan was that given the 30- wind chills I would put him in a mask, gloves and send him out for 10 minute stretches all day until we got the drive clear. We had gone through four cycles of this and Moose had gotten about a quarter of the work done. 

 I was just getting ready to go get him for another round (you don’t think he was doing this voluntarily did you) I heard a humming/ buzzing sound out front. My neighbor Patrick was out in front of my house with his snow blower just firing away at the sidewalk and drive. I didn’t ask him. He just did it. I went out and thanked him. He just kind of shrugged it off. There will be a pecan rum cake in that man’s future. It was a kindness. It was part of the code.

 

At times my thoughts about what humanity is coming to turn dark. On those days I am left to wonder what has become of the spirit of selflessness, of care and of concern for those around us. All it takes is one small act and that belief that there is hope comes back.

Day 5 of 365 (The Spark)

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There is a book I highly recommend.  It is called Orbiting the Giant Hairball.  The author used to manage the creative staff at Hallmark Cards.  He oversaw the transition into thngs like Contemporary Cards and Shoebox Greetings.

 

One day he was on a plane waiting to take off.  He was waiting and waiting and he started thinking about the things he watched track through the edge of his visual field.

 

In talking about those squiggly things that bounce about in our eyes something he described as “Those lacy phantoms that glide to and fro,” Gordon Mackenzie began to analogize.  Viterous floaters disappear when you stare at them, this was a comment he got from a physician when he brought up the topic.  Mackenzie then thought to himself and ultimately wrote down in his book, “Creativity [like those floaters] will not be looked at. As soon as you look at creativity-as soon as you become conscious of it (or self conscious of it) - it simply vanishes.” 

 

Mackenzie’s ultimate conclusion was that only the renegades who are willing to look away from it, who don’t try and codify and quantify it will be rewarded with a true creative vision. Gordon Mackenzie was a smart man.