Just sitting alone by a hotel pool

I am sitting alone by my hotel's pool I've been sipping on a cup of mediocre coffee that I picked up here the front desk. It is quite warm in here. It is also very humid. For March it feels positively wonderful.

The Jackson Generals lost their playoff hockey game this morning. That's it. We are one and done. I don't think the team should have any regrets. They played hard all season. We suffered from injuries rendering our bench too short for most games. But they scrapped and they fought and there were no blowouts. Most of her games were decided by a goal or two.

Watching a bunch of kids become a team is a wonderful experience. They learn what it is trust each other. They learn to make accommodations for each other's shortcomings. They learn how to work with the concept of friendship. It is hard to say what in the chemistry of this group of kids made it. Still it was very special.

My boy Moose has left the pool and gone search of his teammates. The ripples in the water are calming now and it's becoming a glassy surface. After one last game tomorrow the season will be over. The experience of this year will be like the surface of the pool. The agitation in the waves and ripples will disappear and the surface of water will become flat. It will be almost as if it never happened.

The totality of our lives are just like that. In 50 years none of this will make any difference but in a very Zen way it's okay to smile today.


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My Post But Posted in Another of My Blogs

http://pedricktown.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-bike-meant-world-to-me.html

Hurt and Healing

Hurt takes a time to process. Even what can be called distant and attenuated hurt eventually has to be dealt with on a personal level.

Last week a political campaign I was intimately involved with failed. It failed I believe not on its merits but because the people who were promoting the campaign, of which I was one, were outplayed by a more savvy, more adaptable opponent. After the ballots were tabulated I was very angry. I was hurt.

It had taken a few months but by the time the vote came I was very invested in the cause. To some extent, although the actual question had to do with money to be paid to rebuild schools, I viewed the clear but not overwhelming no vote as a rejection of me, of what I stood for. But the outcome wasn’t about me no matter how my intellectual demons tried to convince me it was. It was simply one group of people fighting for a piece of real estate they believed in doing anything and saying anything that might block the effort to close their school, to vacate that property. I get that, I really do.

Vitriol and venom were spewed at me, but honestly I opted for this path. It is time now to deal with the hurt. Looking carefully around I must always remain thankful for the blessings I receive. There are many. The friends I have and the moments of joy I really have experienced even in this period are quite numerous.

To make things better I must try to be kinder, more open-minded, and more accepting of each and every other person I meet and experience. In going forward I must endeavor, I must work to eliminate barriers that exists between myself and among those I touch in any manner. I must work; I must endeavor to allow a meaningful togetherness to grow.

Hurt can be on a large scale, an amorphous disembodied sense of pain, or it can be very acute and personal. In either case I must always turn from the bitterness and look at what I can do to make things better.

Facing the Darkness with a Hand Extended in Understanding

Tuesday, March 06, 2012


Sometimes when I’m asked to describe the Buddhist teachings, I say this: Everything is connected; nothing lasts; you are not alone. This is really just a restatement of the traditional Three Marks of Existence: non-self, impermanence, and suffering. The fact that we all suffer means we are all in the same boat, and that’s what allows us to feel compassion.


- Lewis Richmond, "The Authentic Life"
On any given morning I hit a point where I must refresh my mind. For the past several weeks, well maybe for the past month I have suppressed that urge and did not take a few moments to ponder the meaning of life and the universe. But then there comes an event that shakes me and refocuses me.
Yesterday out of the blue an old friend called me and wanted to have lunch. We went out to one of those little bistros where you get a sandwich and some soup. It is the kind of place where there is always a flourish like a spring of basil lying atop the tomato bisque. By this description I am trying to say that the setting for lunch was quite enjoyable as was the company.
In the course of the conversation the topic of our words turned and turned again. We kept finding our way back to ideas both difficult and important. There came a point where we both addressed our age, mid-fifties and the fact that we had to be concerned or at least aware about the short duration of the rest of our lives. We talked about how extended family no longer existed and that caring for others as we age is now tied to our social web. We came back again and again to the question of what can one do with the time one has left.
The dharma quote above ties in so very neatly. We are all in the same boat facing a world where nothing lasts and where the end of this reality will be coming so quickly. However in the face of that we all remain connected. Aware of that connection we must be compassionate to make our and others remaining portion of the journey tolerable. Suffering is real but it is transitory and in our interconnection we can confront suffering.
A single act of kindness can change the world. A single act of kindness can make our lives and make the lives of others richer. Carrying out a single act of kindness can change the very nature of who we are. I must awaken to the connection between myself and others and I must be kind.

Joshua Bell and the warm silence my morning

Sometimes when you hear a piece of music it becomes something that takes you to a space that is peaceful and calming. I've been listening to the soundtrack to the movie Iris by Joshua Bell today.

Over the past several days events in my life have been nerve jangling, aggravating and overwhelming. During the past 10 days my oldest son Primus had two of the best hockey games of his career. However my wife returning from one of those games suffered a kidney stone. That incident turned our family life upside down. My concern for my wife's health and the suffering she endured placed a strain on her on me and on the children.

In addition to my wife's travails i had to travel call over the state with my oldest son for his hockey. Additionally I've had to sit through multiple school board meetings charged with very contentious issues. Race, economics and the general mechanics of how the school board governs have all been discussed in an open forum in a fairly hotly contested matter.

My wife returned to work today. She is on pain medication but seems to be functioning fairly well. I am at work today. I actually got a decent night's sleep last night. Still Joshua Bell is taking me to a place that I need to be to get through the day. If you get a chance give a listen to the soundtrack from Iris.

This is a Test

My iPhone now has an and application that allows me to post whenever and wherever I want to. I am thinking that this will be a good thing. In addition it has a vocal recognition program. Therefore this is a test. I want to see if I can post easily using that vocal recognition program.

All but the first sentence of this post was done using the vocal recognition software. It took me less than two minutes to dictate and correct this post. Cool beans.

Mulligan

The following was generated as a response to a question about whether I should of remained single given the challenges I often depict with my children in this blog.
In responding to my post you ask if I would get married again, if I had a mulligan. The real answer is I don’t know. In my life I have made choices, some good but many poor. But they all add up to make me what I am today. Could I improve on who I am, yes I think so. Am I trying to improve on who I am, yes every single day. Would marriage make the difference between being something better and what I am, I doubt it.
The God’s honest truth is that I need a person in my life to balance my excesses out. Without a significant other I would be a raging alcoholic, perhaps a drug fiend. Without children I would have no compassion for those burdened by life. I am not saying my children are a burden, I am saying they make me think outside myself. The dispassionate perspective of another’s needs, of caring for their growth can really show itself in a parenting setting. It can occur in other relationships but for me parenting has been the catalyst.


If I had it to do all over again I would have exercised more intellectual rigor in each and every subject I undertook to study. Hell, I would have exercised more and taken better care of my body. If I had it to do all over again I would have been the archival tech as opposed to the liquor store assistant manager. If I had it to do all over again I would have slept around a great deal more just to have memories of their hearts and passion . If I had it to do all over again I would have lived by the maxim if it ain’t scary you aren’t going fast enough.


Ah if I had a mulligan that is where I would be, living with compassionate open hearted intensity driving fast to the next best future somewhere. Chances are I would be with someone on that journey a wife or a lover but they would be there because they too wanted that particular journey.

You know what where I am is okay, I am comfortable in my skin.  It is frustrating, it is challenging, but I am who I am and we don't get mulligans.  Be here, be now.